I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
