whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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