I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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