he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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