Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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