nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
