Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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