Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
