Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
