my phone needs a breathalizer
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
