bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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