I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish you could order shots online.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
