PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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