guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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