Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i drank out of a bidet.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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