On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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