dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
