Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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