Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
