we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
