and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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