Whod you bang
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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