sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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