she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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