i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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