Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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