my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
