in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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