the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
