The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
