awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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