It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
