I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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