Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
babies were throwing up all over the place
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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