you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
