it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
