ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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