I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
