She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
