??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the day after is always just damage control
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
