he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
