Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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