Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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