I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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