How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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