I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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