we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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