Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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