I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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