He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
