I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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