it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
