apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm too high and old for this...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
