Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
