I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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