I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so explain again why im purple
no
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best revenge is premature balding
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize