I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
