If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
