It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
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I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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