it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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