I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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