NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
