I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
