we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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