So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize