please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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