Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have feelings that need drinking.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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