there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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