why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
